Learning From Tina Turner...

"What's LOVE got to do with it?"

This statement was made popular in a song done by one of the greatest female singers of all time, who also happens to be one of my favourite, Tina Turner. The song and the lyrics represented her life at that material time, the experiences she had in her marriage to Ike Turner. The marriage hit the rocks, it was no fault of hers, and a lot of people who found out how abusive the relationship was, were happy for her when she got a divorce.

But Tina went beyond the divorce. She vowed she was never going to marry again. What‘s love got to do with it, What’s love, but a second hand emotion… what’s love, but a sweet old fashioned notion… who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? (Lines from the song, which also made a movie that became a blockbuster).

A lot of people heard that song, loved that song, bought that song, learnt that song, sang the song,

Tina Turner and Erwin Bach

believed in that song and used that song as justification for their position against loving and being loved.

What‘s love got to do with it, an evergreen song that became a creed for many, was broken on July 18, when Tina Turner, now 73 broke her own vow, and made a new vow to love, cherish and hold (till death do them part) Erwin Bach, her lover and friend of 27 years, who also happens to be 57 years old, 16 years younger than she is.

She has broken the seal and laid to durst the creed, the same creed she propounded when she asked “what’s love got to do with it” when she said on July 27 that “Marriage is a wonderful place to be”. This for me has a lesson. When it comes to love, never say never… We shouldn’t shut the door of loving and being loved because of sad or bitter experiences we had from a previous relationship. We are loved, we are created to love.

So you ask me, what’s love got to do with it? I will tell you… Everything! And who needs a heart when a heart can be broken? I do; and you do too… Whether or not you know it now, you sure do.

Blessings and more, to you and yours

SHALOM

Even Your Heart Is Worth Guarding Too...

Love will expect great things from and for you... But love will never wish you were someone else. 

When people are healing from a broken heart, it is not the best time to get them involved in a relationship, especially when they are wishing their relationship did not break. The more they wish their relationship didn't break, the more dissatisfied they will be with you and the more they would wish you were someone else (most likely the person they broke up with). You will never measure up… You will never be good enough.

Worst of all, anyone going through this situation cannot possibly be in a relationship with you, but is using you as a cushion, and anyone who uses you as a cushion will leave you when the pain is gone or when they are strong enough to move on, and might even go back to the very person who hurt them... the same hurt you helped them get over.

This could be the reason for the stress you are going through in that relationship. You two should talk... And be as sincere and open with your questions, as you are with your answers. Please don’t accuse yourselves, because no one can do better than the information he/she has. Now that you know, deal with the situation. Best wishes to you two…

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM

If It's Not Unconditional, Then It's Not Love...

Why is it that anytime we think about unconditional love, we say "only God can do that"? Love is a waste of time, resources, investments and emotions if it is not unconditional. Love must be unconditional for it to make any kind of sense.

Unconditional love means you remain caring and committed to your choice and decision to stay true to someone you love, inspite of and irrespective of the flaws and challenges (perceived or present) that you encounter or anticipate; and the resolve to make the appropriate measure of sacrifice necessary to keep and sustain the relationship, no matter how tough the times get.

Unconditional love requires that you be the fool when your spouse thinks he/she is smart; to be meek when they become heady and stubborn; to love when there is no reason in the horizon; to hold on, not because the person or relationship is worth holding on to at that material time, but because looking back into the past (and how beautiful things used to be), you perceive and are willing to believe that things will get better; to hope even against hope and trust that change will come, and beauty will be restored even when pain and strife is all you see.

This is love... This is unconditional love. It is not hinged on reciprocity, but founded on the fact that one is willing to give his/her heart imagining the possibility that it will be scarred or even broken, but trusting that it will not be...

Love is only worth it, when it is unconditional. So if you don't think that person is worth it, why do you waste your time, only to turn around and talk them down and treat them like you are perfect? If you can't love unconditionally, you will only hurt yourself and others. We must all build our capacity and grow in this direction.

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM