RELATIONSHIP 101: Relationship Is a Responsibility...

Greetings to everyone who believes in love. We are here again at the season when a lot of people take a break from work to be with friends, family and every other person(s) who matter in their lives. I have been desirous of finishing this series that I have tagged "relationship 101 before 2012 runs out. Talking about 2012, I would like to specially thank God for everyone who has stopped by this blog; for every relationship that has been healed or strengthened by the words shared here, and for every life which has been touched by the activities on this blog. 

Your joy has been a great blessing to me... Your simple words of "thank you" have been some of the greatest pillars in this year to me. The fact that you keep coming doesn't just mean to me that I am making sense; it also means that I am not crazy to believe that loving and being loved are not just possible, but are blessings that everyone must experience. 

There is so much to be thankful for as far as 2012 is concerned... And today, I am thankful for every relationship which through this blog has sustained, despite the challenges they have had to encounter. Love is a beautiful thing.

Today, I write to share with you, the fact that we must begin to see our relationships as "a responsibility" and not just something that comes with responsibilities:

We ought to be getting wiser now. Time has passed when one is considered responsible by virtue of how he looks and what he wears or drives. Responsibility is also not synonymous with marriage. It is not a stranger that bumps into you at I do’s doorstep, or a wrapped gift that piles up with the other gifts at your marriage reception. Rather, what has to begin and prepare you for marriage is a training process. 

Responsibility is not just being able to take care of the needs of your spouse and children, it is the maturity to know when to do what you ought to do and how to do them; the maturity to know that you should not disregard, disrespect, take for granted, cheat, molest, or abuse your spouse (or your children) in any way-thinkable or unthinkable.

One thing that is a constant so far is that a relationship (no matter at what level or bus stop) is in itself a responsibility, not just something that comes with responsibilities. You have to be prepared for it, or else you will wreck a lot of lives, and ultimately your own.

To be continued...

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Sour Grapes...

Greetings to everyone who believes in love, and expects to find or be found by love. It has been a very interesting season in my neck of the woods... I stay in Ghana, and I have had quite a lot of issues going on in my head. I didn't have the inspiration to put those thoughts together on paper, so I waited. Finally, this morning it hit me, so I am breaking my silence on the issue of the "accident of birth" and the price people pay sometimes for being born to a certain family belonging to a certain ethnic group, nationality,  faith or political ideology.

This morning, a young man called me and informed of his decision to divorce his wife because they belonged to different political parties... By the way, in Ghana, you have two leading political parties, namely; the NDC (National Democratic Convention, which is the present ruling party and the party which was declared as winner of the 2012 presidential elections by the Ghana Electoral Commission); and the NPP (New Patriotic Party, which for now is not satisfied with the declaration of the EC, believing that there were irregularities in some quarters and is desirous of going to court to context the declaration of the NDC as winner).

So this young man from the NDC calls me to say that the misunderstanding he had with his wife who is of the NPP has reached a point where their relationship as far as he is concerned has broken down irretrievably, and he desires to move on with his life, without her... Without her? Is it worth it? Is throwing love away out of loyalty to an ideology worth it?

Much worse, is when people quarrel, tear themselves apart and ultimately make decisions which will have generational consequences, because they disagreed over an opinion or an ideology.

People have been denied the opportunity to love and be together forever, because their parents or relations had issues way back before they were born. Why should anyone make someone else suffer for issues he/she didn't have to play a role in.

Hatred and bitterness expressed through stereotypes become the new theories we propound, just in order to impose our interest and hardheadedness on innocent young people whose heart have bonded together in love. They suffer for a sin they didn't commit, and carry a burden they didn't create, all because they were born in a certain home, to a certain couple who had certain viewpoints about life and living...

I ask again, is it worth it? The thing we destroy in order to have our way especially in the lives of other people, who we claim that we love... Is it worth it? Why should the teeth of the children be set on edge, when it wasn't they that ate the sour grapes?

Tell a friend to tell a friend, that living for love and in love, is a better way of living...

Blessings and more

SHALOM

RELATIONSHIP 101: A Relationship Is a Covenant...

Greetings to all who believe in love; blessings and much more to all those who are in love; courage and best wishes to all those waiting to find love or for love to find them; and to all those wondering whether or not love works, I say warmest greetings to you, and I trust that love will encounter you in a very special way.

Continuing with my thoughts on relationship 101, I would like to say that we must learn to look at our Marriages and relationships as covenants and not as contracts.

Usually, a contract is what it is because among other things, people in it are expected to specifically perform the responsibilities they have agreed upon to perform (which are in themselves the basis of the contract and the benefits they hope to derive from it). Where these responsibilities are not performed, the defaulting party is held to be in breach of the contract. At this point the party who has suffered this breach (in law called the injured party) is free to terminate the relationship and just walk away.

A covenant on the other hand, and as we see in the works of God, is between two people as well, but the focus is hardly on whether or not the parties are doing to or for each other, what they have promised to do, but on the fact that one is doing what he is supposed to do in the covenant, irrespective of whether or not the other party is honouring his part or responsibility in the agreement. 

The basis of what we do in marriage or in our relationships, is not about the fact that the other party is doing what you expect him/her to do, but about what you are expected to do and whether or not you are willing to do it, in fair and/or harsh weathers. A bad spouse might necessarily give rise to the other's disloyalty to the relationship, but this is not God’s standard.

This maturity cannot be compromised. Get it, imbibe it; 'cause it is only then that you can make the appropriate measure of sacrifice(s) necessary to sustain your relationship. It also helps you to have realistic expectations and prepare yourself to manage the offenses which will come up in your relationship (and they will surely come) wisely. Think about it.

Blessings and more

SHALOM

RELATIONSHIP 101: WHAT TIME IS IT? Part 1

Warmest greetings to all lovers and all those who believe in love. A lot of people believe that weekends are for lovers... I guess because they are less encumbered and have more time to spend with themselves. Love is not merely a beautiful thing... Love is a blessing; and I pray that this very blessing which is hidden in the arms of love will always speak for you and yours.

I would like to share a thought that requires a lot of attention this days. It's in my heart for a while, and I feel strongly that this is the best time to let it out. Enjoy, and do leave a comment if you feel led to. Someone might learn something new from your wise words...

To many people, marriage is the last bus stop; a sensitive stage of life that is like bondage from which you cannot be delivered: Once you are in, you are in- there is no coming out. Therefore, we decide right from a very early stage in life, that we will not venture into marriage and its commitments, until we are READY to be married. Till then, we can do just ANYTHING we like, hoping that mystic Mr. Marriage will clean up our act and make us RESPONSIBLE husbands, wives, and parents. Those already pushing ages 35-40 do not even bother about all that; they just have got to be married.

Truthfully; marriage is not the last bus stop. It is just one of the bus stops in the cycle called relationship. The flaws that challenge our marriages are actually the same flaws we had as single people in relationships. It thus means that before we begin to think about marriage, there are certain things we must seriously think about and address in the best interest of our relationships.

So, think of love as a coconut sitting on a coconut tree. It is of use to you only when it is mature and when it does, you need the right Skill and the right Equipment to climb the tree, or else you will crash-land... and when you finally bring it down and break it carelessly, you will spill and waste the juice. Meanwhile, at the time the coconut tree begins to grow it is ugly and unattractive, unlike the royal palm, but the royal palm in all its beauty and splendor is what it is-JUST A ROYAL PALM.

All that glitters is not gold. Love is not blind... People are just too hasty with their feelings.

To be continued...

Blessings and more

SHALOM

When Love Becomes Wicked...

Greetings to all lovers and all those who desire to love and be loved... Love is always in air; it's always adding value to life and gives one the confidence that being strong enough for two is worth it. To those who do not believe in love, I greet you too and pray that you encounter a truth that will change your mindset about love. To love and be loved is a beautiful thing.

I want to encourage you to visit my page on facebook. It addresses various issues on sex and relationships. A lot of people say it has added a lot of value to their relationships, and think it should keep going round. Just visit, you might think so too.

Now to today's subject:

Sometimes, we do not understand the implication of being in love, the power of loving and being loved, or the responsibility of being in love.

We live our lives everyday desiring to be happy, pursuing after a little vanity from time to time, looking for a little naughtiness or risk that will add that value of momentary pleasure which gives you the feeling that you can still do what you like sometimes.

Know this... When you are in a relationship, your joy must proceed out of the fact that you give joy to that person to whom you have surrendered your heart and passion to - when you are sick, they are dying; when you are unhappy, they are sad; when you weep, they grieve; when you are unsettled, they are destabilized. In the midst of the heartache that your mood or situation causes them, they still desire to, and actually do stay strong for you. Why then will you not consider the impact your actions will have on them before you act?

We can be so loving, and yet so unloving... Anytime we do not consider what our actions are capable of doing to the ones we love (the same ones who love us back), we abuse the emotions of our loved ones, and expose them to avoidable pain.

Beware the voice of the unreasonable; be careful what you eat or drink; be careful how you drive... Drive safely. Don't run your body like a machine… It's still a body that needs rest no matter how strong you think you are. Be careful how you relate with people (whether in public or private life)… The path of the flirtatious is easy to thrive in, but it is a total disrespect of the one you love, the one who loves you. Be careful what you give up, and be careful what you hold on to...

Your joy is love's joy. Always remember this.

Blessings and more,

SHALOM

Continuing on Pornography...

Greetings to everyone who believes in love, especially to all those holding on to love even though it looks like there is nothing left worth holding onto. May your heart stay strong and may your refusal to give up on life yield great fruit for you. And to all those who for some reason (explainable or not) have stopped believing in love, may something happen in your life from today, that will change that impression.

I'd like to thank everyone who has visited 360degreeslove in the last one month. This blog was actually long overdue, but I kept dragging my feet about it; primarily because much as I believe that there are certain absolutes which cut across every relationship, I know for a fact that there are many other situations which require that a relationship be looked at from the perspective of its peculiarity. I really do not believe in "7 keys to a wonderful relationships" and stuff like that...

So here I was struggling with this blog, and I dared a few of my friends with a challenge - if in one month I get at least 1,950 page views, I will become dedicated to this project. I lost the challenge: I had 3000 views, over 120 emails making one request or the other in their relationships. They won, I lost, and I submit to the exciting vision of sharing whatever I have received in the area of relationships and love.

Continuing on pornography...

How complete, exciting or rewarding is sex that is inspired by an image you could not or did not create? How sacred is sex when your image or effort did not inspire it? How unforgettable are images that enslave you to a pattern of dependency and kill your creativity? Sex is not a game, and your spouse is not a toy that helps you jerk off when certain images come into your head. Besides, what do you do when your spouse is not there? 

Sex is sacred. It was created by God. It is good and we are gifted with the anointing, the creativity and innovation to make every romantic moment both satisfying and unforgettable. When folk depend on something else (whether as a last resort or not) to inspire the response or activity you ordinarily should engage in, this is the beginning of dependency on wrong patterns, in this sense, because you will come to a point where you will never believe in yourself or your spouse to get you in the mood or create the atmosphere that makes sex worth yearning for. This lack of confidence and the desire to keep things alive will bring about an addiction ultimately.

Besides, how decent are pornographic story-lines? How can perversion give birth to a wholesome, godly sex life? I leave you to judge for yourself, but like a new friend I made would say, "IMO (In My Opinion)" you do not need pornography to achieve spice in your relationship, 'cause the power to make good and fulfilling sex happen is in you.

Special dedication to Great 9ja Man.

Blessings and more

SHALOM

Love Will Get In Your Face When It Has To...

I was meant to continue sharing my thoughts on pornography today, but I had an experience last night, which has prompted me to do this post.

I goofed yesterday at work… I gave money to someone who I shouldn’t have, and I lost that money in the most stupid circumstance you could ever think off. Love was mad at me… really mad at me. She spoke to me like I was a child, and like a child I sat quietly and took my tongue-lashing. From the conversation, if she had her way, she would have spanked the living blue-black out of me.

Then I began to think… Love has the right to be angry with you when you goof. Be wise enough not to contend with that right... Submit to your chastisement. It's called "Love saving your life".

I felt very strongly about this statement that I shared it on facebook, and one of my friends commented thus “*hahahahahahaha* yeah! Love saving your life, but how it’s done is also very important. Trust me”.

This comment got me thinking again, about how defensive and self-preserving we get when we are on the receiving end of chastisement, which we all give with all vehemence when we are not the ones on the receiving end.

So, in response to that comment I said…

Love will not chop off your hand in the name of chastisement; love will not call you names or insult you in order to save your life. If one believes that he or she is truly loved, then the how is not, and should not the focus per se. Submission says, “You are right. I goofed and I am sorry about how it has affected you”. Pride says “Ok… I goofed, but is that why you are talking to me like that? I have said I am sorry! What else do you want?”

Even when submission does not like the pattern of correction, it takes the correction and waits for the right time to lovingly address the pattern.

Love will also look out for you… Love will never give up on you… And love will always get in your face when it has do things in your best interest, especially when it comes to saving you from yourself. So always remember, love gets in your face, because you are truly loved.

Blessings and more

SHALOM

The Images That Ruin Your Relationship

Pornography seems to have become one of the recommendations made to couples in order to help them enhance (or improve) their sexual relationship. 

Adventurous and rewarding as it may sound, what most counselors and people who recommend pornography to couples do not know (or might not know) and so might never tell you, is that after that moment when the pornography (whether print or electronic) excites you and gets you in the mood, the images do not go away – they stay in your head. 

And believe me (No! Ask your spouse and hope that he/she doesn't lie for fear of hurting you…), when the images come back, it is not you that your spouse sees or thinks about, but the people, whether real or imaginary, who make up that pornographic material. 

To be continued...

Blessings and More

SHALOM

If It's Not Unconditional, Then It's Not Love...

Many times, people speak of love from a perspective that makes it look unachievable. Perhaps that is why people speak of "true love" or "real love". I think love is one... It is true, it is real and it is pure. It is sincere in its ways and honest with its intentions. It doesn't say one thing and mean the other. If you don't have it, you don't have it. If it's not love, it's not love.

When you hate someone's troubles but would rather live with that person inspite of all the troubles, than pick the option of not having that person in your life at all... This is love. It is proof that you love, and proof that you are loved.

Love might be upset with you, be dissatisfied with you, and might be irritated by your excesses... But love will never give up on you.

Love is a full time job...

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Don't Be An Enemy To Your Own...

The way we listen will always determine what we hear. The way we look will determine what we see. 

One whose heart is torn apart with insecurity and/or trauma will never see loyalty even if it is served him/her on a gold platter and will never trust his/her spouse no matter what they do; and one whose heart is hardened with pride, vanity and selfishness will be too hardheaded to hear love speaking to him/her. 

Deal with the little foxes which spoil the vine... Kill them before they go any further. Give life to your relationship. 

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

LOVE DOES NOT HAVE IT ALL… NEITHER DO YOU

He knows he is not doing enough, but you know he is doing his very best… She knows she can be better, but you know she is putting in everything she has and can. 

Know that love always wants to be better for you. Putting it under pressure never adds any value, it only makes it feel inadequate, and gives it that sad feeling that you want and wish he(she) were someone else. 

Your contentment with love “as is” is proof that you appreciate love. Think about it...

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Feelings Come and Go, But Love Is Always There...

Sometimes the heart thinks it knows how much it loves, till it skips again at the sight of the one it longs for. It skips and then it beats faster, not out of the anxiety of loosing such a beautiful feeling, but 'cause it is so overwhelmed that it is uncertain about how much joy to expect and how much of that joy it can take. Then you realise that you love and could love much more than you had imagined.

Love is a beautiful thing. It is a wonderful feeling, yet it is more powerful when you know it... Yes, you know it so much that even when it looks like you don't feel it, you can still say that "Love is here, and I will hold on to it till this season of drought is over". Enjoy the feeling while it lasts, but know that you are always loved by the one who loves you. 

So don't throw away or give up on love merely because the feeling is gone. Feelings come and go. So many things can make it go, but it will always return... And the knowledge of love will always help you to hold on and hold fort until the feeling returns. 

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM

The Love In Your Bed Is As You Make It...

So many times we look at couples from a distance and wish our relationships were just like theirs. If you have not realized it yet, that impression about that relationship being the best you have ever seen, is either a lie, or is borne out of the fact that the couple you admire have worked very hard and have actually achieved the kind of relationship that you admire. 

This means that if you are willing to, and actually do the same, your relationship will be a testimony as well. Think about it.

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Don't Give Up On Love...

Hope never dies... You might lose it, and when you find it again, you will see it is still alive.

Hope comforts those who mourn; when love is weak, hope makes you strong. Hope helps us forgive; it makes us confident today, that tomorrow will be better than yesterday; that where we are now is not the last bus stop, but merely one of the many bus stops on our way to "the last bus stop"; that whether the good Lord (Whose we are and Who we serve) snatches us out of the fire or takes us through it, the story of our lives will not end in the fire...

There will be another chapter because we are coming out of the fire, Amen! Hope tells us, that no matter what is happening now, we shall smile again... Yes!!! Hope is powerful... Hope is a beautiful thing... Hold on to hope and don't lose it... And even if you lose it, search for it and find it (it will most probably be at the same place where you lost it)... It never gives up on you... Hold on to hope... HOPE NEVER DIES.

Don’t give up on hope… Don’t give up on love… Don’t give up on the one you love. Believe, Be well, Stay well.

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

To Have A Good and Sustainable Relationship...

Do you want to have a good and sustainable relationship? Then, do not start from your point of strength, 'cause it only makes you feel you are too good for the one who loves you. 

Start from your point of weakness, 'cause it always makes you grateful and thankful that you are loved, and inspires you to do what and all you must in order to stay loved. 

You will value love when you realise how much of it has been given to you inspite of your flaws and inadequacies; only if you stop thinking you have it all and your spouse must tag along. 

Work on yourself... Deal with your issues. You have a lot to receive, if only you realise that you have a lot to give. Your relationship is depending on you... Give it what it takes. 

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM

Ugly?!!! No!

I cannot claim to have read the Bible from cover to cover. But in my very extensive read, I have come across "a contentious woman", "a foolish woman", "a virtuous woman", "a certain woman"... but not "an ugly woman"... Never an ugly woman

That a woman does not fit into a man's taste or aspiration does not make her ugly. I have never seen an ugly woman. I doubt if I ever will, because I do not believe there is any such thing as an ugly woman - Just women who look at themselves from the eyes of other people and hang out with men who do not celebrate them. Think about it..

Lady... You are not ugly, and believe me, there is a man out there who would love you and think the world of you; and today, I pray that he finds you as soon as your heart is ready for him. So instead of rushing to open every door, please WAIT for the right knock. 

Blessings and more. 

SHALOM