Loving Must Be Taught And Learnt...

It is really true... You can love a thing and still not respect it. There must be much more to a relationship than mere attraction. Love is not enough. 

You must choose to teach and learn how to love. Yes... Loving must be taught and learnt... Only the patient can teach it, and only the teachable can learn it. 

One must be meek, and the other must be humble. One must speak with the right spirit, and the other must listen with the right spirit. One must love, and the other must submit. 

Blessings and more

SHALOM

Love Pays Attention To Antecedents... It Doesn't Keep Record Of Wrongs

Indeed, love doesn't and shouldn't keep record of wrongs, but love must pay attention to antecedents in order to decipher when patterns are being formed, as this is one of the surest ways to preserve your relationship and sustain the traditions relating to your vows. 

So do not keep silent over a flaw or a weakness merely because your conscience is too weak to see that you are not keeping a record of wrongs. 

Sometimes people who have flaws in various areas of life, but do not know it, until you are able to point out to them what they have been doing, the season they do it and the effect it is having on the life you have chosen for your relationship to thrive in. 

Enjoy love... Protect your spouse. Pay attention to the antecedents and you will increase in love. But speak of flaws with gentleness and meekness of heart, knowing that you too have flaws... Flaws which might even be more damaging that the one you are complaining about. Think about it

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Love Does Not Bind... It Sets Free

Never take from love, anything that love is not willing to give (or is incapable of giving at that material time), and never give to love, anything that love is not willing to take (or incapable of taking at that material time). 

Never insist on a sacrifice that makes love less than what it is worth, no matter how greatly, deeply and passionately you desire that response. 

The obligation which love owes must not be held in derision, and it must not be used to derogate one in order to please the other.

Love will always put the other before itself, but that action stops being love, when it does not bring fulfillment and the joy that comes from knowing that good has been served. It thus becomes a ceremonial bondage... not love. Think about it.

Blessings and more

SHALOM

Love Will Serve You Well, If You Let It...

One who is afraid of hurting, cannot allow himself/herself to love or be loved. When this is the case, the value(s) which only love can add will be missing. 

The one who fears to be hurt will be evidently incomplete, dying in installments; realizing it, but being unable to deal with the un-fulfillment until he/she returns to this basic truth, that only those prepared to hurt can discover love and live in love.

Always remember, that Love will serve you well, only if you allow it to.

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Never Give Up On Yourself

To everyone dealing with a broken heart... He/she got up and walked out on you... Sad as that may be, you must allow yourself to heal. You owe "YOU" that much. Just allow yourself to heal... 

To be in or out of love with you is his/her choice... To be the best you can ever be, for you and for love, is your choice. Never give that choice up for anything or anyone. It's a birthright.Think about it

Blessings and more...

SHALOM

Friends Or Lovers? Define Your Relationship...

Don't allow anyone take you to the middle of the river before you realise that they cannot teach you how to swim. No one can even learn how to swim from the middle of the river. 

Define every relationship before you plunge in... Don't leave anything to chance, don't wait to see how things go, and don't wait for things to take shape before you define it.

There is a necessary definition for every stage of relationship. Never loose the import of any stage and don't allow yourself to be cajoled or bamboozled into any stage. Define what you are getting into: Why the calls? Why the text messages? Why the gifts? Why the lunch dates? Why the invitations? Why all the support...? Are you doing me a favour? Are you just being nice? Are you trying to bait me? Or are you trying to woo me?

Don't assume you know where something is headed when you can simply ask, and don't be in a hurry to accept an offer when you are not clear what price tag it bears.

If you ignore this warning, then you might be unwittingly intending the consequence of a hasty action. 

Friends or Lovers? Let it be your choice...

Be Wise... Be Blessed. 

SHALOM

Love Must Give What It Expects To Get...

Don't judge your spouse from your point of strength and don't accept the lie your pain is telling you, that your spouse is completely weak in every area. Your spouse is strong in his/her own way. No one is completely strong and no one is completely weak.

Love as you expect to be loved... Forgive as you expect to be forgiven... Carry as you expect to be carried... Condone as you expect to be condoned... Trust as you expect to be trusted. 

When you have no reason to raise durst and even when you do, keep the durst on the ground... The durst when it is raised, will make its way into both your eyes. Think about it.

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Understand Your Man...

Ladies! For those of you who may not know; Who have not been told and may not have observed: It is easy to hurt a man who has given all his love (and is willing to give much more, if he had it) to you. He is vulnerable and sensitive. He can easily bleed, but will never be unwilling to scar just because of the love he has for you, and to stay in giving that love... It might take a man a while to believe that love is true, but when he does, he will give his all to stay in it.

He will act like a baby with a grown-up heart and would let his guard down, expecting that the one he loves will protect him (by the way, that is why you feel he is always looking/craving for attention). When that expectation is not met, no matter how insignificant it looks, it feels like a hope dashed, a fallen mountain... It is easy to hurt a man and scar his heart. But you won't understand, because you are not a man; except and until you are willing to look beyond yourself and your ideology, to learn by the Spirit of God, to interpret that image which stands before you, every time love comes to your mind. 

That you are doing so much to make him happy might not mean you are doing enough. If you can understand this and be meek enough to apply it, the devil will never be able to smear the beauty of your relationship again. Understand your man, and he will kiss your feet always. Selah

Stop by again soon, for the sequel to this post, both the part two of this one, and "Understanding Your Woman"

Blessings and more...

SHALOM

Life Is Not Complete Without Love...

The greatest joy of life, is having someone in your life, who knows all your weaknesses and flaws, and still sincerely thinks that you are one in a million; a miracle he(she) is not willing to give up. 

If you are enjoying this awesome privilege of love, pick up the phone, stop by, go to him(her)... whichever applies to you, and just tell that person "Thank You So Much For Loving Me... Thank You For Putting Up With My Excesses... Thank You For Not Giving Up On Me Even When I Thought You Would... Thank You For Not Being Tired Of Hanging In There Even When I Would Have Understood If You Hadn't... Thank You For Not Leaving Me By Myself Even When I sounded Like That's What I wanted... Thank You For Always Finding A Reason To Hold On To Us... Thank You For Always Believing In Us... Thank You For Loving Me With The Attitude That Says I am Worth All The Trouble..."

They truly would be glad to know that you appreciate them; and they will look for many more special ways to love you more.

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM

Someone You Know Needs To Hear This...

A SEPARATION IS NOT A BREAKUP...

There is a very clear difference between a separation and a break up. A lot of people are separated and believe they have broken up merely because they don't see or speak with each other anymore.

A break up must be spoken about and defined. It doesn't happen merely because you walked out in anger or moved out of the apartment. Don't encumber yourself with another relationship when you have not cleared up the mess of the one you are in presently. Say it! And make sure you are heard; whether or not he(she) accepts is another issue all together, but when you say it, it will be easier for them to heal and move on. Mean it before you declare it! That way you will be setting each other free...

And if you are confused, it is not the best time to decide to break up. Take sometime to think about it and make sure a break up is the right response to the situation. A separation might help in this instance. But if it is a mere misunderstanding, deal with it and learn from it... Don't break up because you had a misunderstanding.

Get help if you can't figure it out yourself. See a counselor. Make sure a breakup is what you really need before you ask for it.

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Bird-Freedom Is Not For Those Who Love...

Bird-Freedom: The freedom that keeps you unaccountable... Free to do what you like, when you like it and how you like it, without recourse to anyone, irrespective of their place in your life, and the effect of your actions on their own lives and future. 

You cannot be in love and still desire to be bird-free. This kind of freedom is not for those who love; yet love in itself is not a bondage... It is a constraint, which stops you from destroying the very thing that lights up your life; a reminder that you cannot be foolish or childish anymore; a clear signal that your actions affect other people deeply (whether positively or negatively); a reality, that you cannot eat your cake and still have it; a consequence of the choice you made. 

Blessings and more 

SHALOM

Love is Not Cheap... Neither Are You

Never take from love, anything that love is not willing to give... And never give to love, anything that love is not willing to take. The first might ultimately turn around and accuse you of manipulation, and the second might treat you less than what you are worth, because they will end up attaching little or no value to what you have to offer.

Don't feel bad though... When love understands what you are worth, love will appreciate you. Till then... don't push. Keep your pride; Keep your dignity... Never feel small merely because love doesn't see or understand how far you are willing to go for it and how much sacrifice you are willing to make in order to see it sustained. Pray that they do... Then wait.

And if they never do, whether that is right or wrong, you will still be able to walk past them with a smile on your face and your head held high... You will still have your pride and dignity standing tall.

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Love Will Talk About It...

If you are in a relationship with someone who has had a previous relationship, the greatest dis-service you will be doing to your heart and relationship is to believe the lie (whether it was told you or you love that person so much that you chose to believe it) that it was the fault of the person they were in that previous relationship with... A lie that might ultimately destroy the very thing you thought would be yours forever.

Never hesitate to ask this all important question "what's the reason for the breakup of your previous relationship?"... Help your relationship by helping your spouse deal with the contribution(s) they made to that breakup, or that contribution(s) might also contribute to their breakup with you as well.

And please... No matter what you do, do not take "I'd rather not talk about it" for an answer. That statement doesn't show mere unwillingness; but is proof that they haven't gotten over the guilt or hurt from the previous relationship and so are still bitter against themselves or other people (a sign that you too are in trouble) or evidence that you are dealing with a manipulative deceiver.

Don't ever put yourself in a position where you think about your relationship as something that is merely for the now. Everything you invest now, whether in terms of your actions or your in-actions, will factor into the quality of relationship you will end up having.

Blessings and more.

SHALOM

Your Relationship... Your Choice

Friends, do not make assertions based on false and non-existent situations. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage or a perfect relationship, just people who are willing to invest the appropriate measure of sacrifice necessary to keep their marriages and relationships alive and beautiful. 

So stop insisting that your spouse becomes like another's husband or wife, just be the change your marriage and relationship needs. Change begets change, so far as you are willing to wait as long as it takes. And no wait is that long when you find what you seek, if that which you seek is pure and true.

Blessings and more, to you and yours.

SHALOM

Jealousy, Envy, Obsession, Possessiveness...

Jealousy: a state where you have the emotional need to be assured that your place in the life and heart of the one you love (the same one who loves you) is intact, and will not be taken by another (whether person or thing). 

Envy: a state where you wish for a situation you know you will never have, and a situation which you will not feel fulfilled about even if you had it the way you wanted. You wish no one else calls or sends SMS to your spouse; you wish your spouse was not on facebook; you wish your spouse doesn't get calls from or talk to colleagues and clients of the opposite sex; you wish your spouse didn't have contacts of the opposite sex in his/her phone. It's a dangerous thing and gives rise to something much worse. 

Obsession: a state where jealousy has advanced through envy and has become a situation where you will do anything and play any trick to see to it, that you have your spouse's attention all to yourself... You achieve this by controlling the life, moments and activities of your spouse through harassment, intimidation and manipulation. You lose your appetite, your taste-buds stop working properly, you are always in an unnecessary rage when the obsession bug bites... You put your spouse in a bad state; you make them almost mindless and choke the very essence of their being. 

Possessiveness: a state where you want to be part of your spouses every activity out of insecurity. On the face of it, it looks like a desire desire to pursue accountability, so that you can be a part of your spouse’s life and preserve the integrity of your relationship, only this time, you want it to be done on your own terms and at own pace.

Manage jealousy by being understanding, appreciative, accountable and trustworthy. Never allow it transcend into envy. Guard your heart against obsession. It kills you and yours. Love and be loved. Be well... 

 Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Beware The Fading Flowers...

Ladies... Beauty is perishable... Only TRUTH and LOVE can sustain and preserve it. A lot of people will be attracted to you because of your looks, but that's all they desire, such that once the looks are gone, they will have little or nothing to hold on to. 

Love is true... When it finds you, hold on to it... Don't let go. Love is truth... And truth will love. 

Never bargain with your beauty, because there will always be a negotiator who will take you on. Let truth and love sustain and preserve you, and you will always glow.

Men! You need to know this... Riches are deceitful; they build false confidence... If your confidence proceeds out of what's in your pocket, then you are cheap, you just don't know it yet... Only TRUTH and LOVE can build a sustainable confidence. The truth that you are "truly loved" inspite of what you have or don't have. The love that makes you feel secure (if you let it) irrespective of how physically attractive your spouse might be.

You cannot use money to control anyone, and if you do, the respect you enjoy will vanish as your riches deplete or disappear; and the fear of loosing that respect keeps you on your toes, making you cheaper by installments.

Let truth and love rule your heart. If you know she loves you, then feel safe in that love, because that love ought to respect you and not the money you hide behind.

But don't be lazy... Go get a job and keep it! 

Be blessed, you and yours. 

SHALOM

The True Test of Love, Is In The Storm

The place to test and prove love, is in the storm! Not in the Chinese restaurants, or the 5-star hotels of Abu Dhabi, or the romantic moments at the table mountain of South Africa... No! It's in the storm!!! 

When she is sick and there is no hope for recovery... Will you be there? When he has lost his job, he is so broke and there is no hope of bouncing back... Will you hang in there and still be the loving, submissive bread winner? When he has falsely accused you and misunderstood your actions... Will you still be committed to loving him inspite of his excesses? When she doesn't respect your person or value your opinion... Will you still be tender and dedicated to your vision of love for her? When everything is all torn apart and gone, and it doesn't look like there is anything worth holding unto... Will you still hold on? When all the odds are against you and no one, not even your spouse, believes in the integrity of your purpose and the sincerity of your intentions... Will you still love like they deserve it? ('cause they truly do). 

Yes! It's all in the storm!!! 

The true power of the blade of an axe, is not in its sharpness but in its strike; the true taste of the pudding is in the eating. If your love thrives in and through the storm, then you truly love and you are truly loved. 

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Anger Rests In The Bosom Of Fools... Not In The Heart Of Lovers

Until we realise that when out of anger, we refuse to engage in the usual traditions which give our relationship the basis for its existence, like refusing to eat the food she serves you, refusing to accept money or a gift from him; refusing to share that beautiful moment together no matter how in-tune you are with your feelings and irrespective of how badly u know u need him/her... We are actually shortchanging ourselves by denying ourselves the opportunity to be loved. 

People feel that giving up on the opportunity to be loved is an ace that proves to their spouses that they are not weak people who will fall for anything (as to them witholding the love they show will give their spouses something to miss), without understanding that every opportunity to be loved, is an occasion to feel re-assured about love, and be reminded of its power... the reason why holding on is easy. 

Don't let anger steal from you the most glorious platform which helps you reconnect to the one who loves you. Loving is a beautiful thing, but being loved is bliss. Think about it. 

Blessings and more, to you and yours. 

SHALOM

Only Truth Can Heal The Pain That Love Causes...

Only truth can heal the pain that love causes... The truth... That you are in love and are unwilling to give up on your future in love and being loved, merely because of a flaw you are unwilling to constantly overlook, or a flaw you are unwilling to deal with and overcome. SHALOM